By Mayflora Ejedegba

Two quotes struck me as I put together this piece:

“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”

– Dalai Lama

“People who succeed have momentum. The more they succeed, the more they want to succeed, and the more they find a way to succeed…..”

-Tony Robbins

Whew! I cannot believe Angela Ochu-Baiye put me (us actually) in the spotlight to write this piece as part of our task for the Leadership Exchange Programme (LEP) organized by Jela’s Development Initiatives. Anyway, this is what she usually does; puts you in the spotlight until YOU actually spot your own light! Thank you ma’am for the push because I wouldn’t have thought to write this in the long run. God helping me, I intend to live by this article henceforth.

Success is not a destination but a process and so, the road THROUGH success isn’t an easy one (hmmm, wise words from Angela Ochu-Baiye). When you think you have gotten to your destination in the success journey, it is important you realize that not only did success start when you started the journey but success continued even when you “arrived”. The first quote struck me because it forms the background to this piece. I definitely have to give up some things while on this journey and if I’m being honest, I would have to give up-

  1. My fear of failure- I think I speak for the majority because more than anything else, everyone fears failure. The word in itself scares me. But then, I do not think I should hold on to this fear anymore because it limits me. I often think that I will fail even before I fail and as a result, I never want to try anything. What if I try? So what if I fail? I have to try again right? Rome was not built in one day and so, I cannot have all the answers to life’s questions if I don’t fail and learn from my mistakes. I will give up this fear and embrace failure as part of life because “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm”- Winston Churchill
  2. The need for validation. For the longest time, I have always thought everything through critically for the fear of what people will say and how people will view me. I feel I can only do things when people approve of me or it. I intend to give up this fear by living by this quote – “The question isn’t who is doing to let me, it’s who is going to stop me” Ayn Rand.
  3. The fear of rejection or hearing NO- Lord knows I cannot stand the reply “NO” or “I’M SORRY, YOU DID NOT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS” or “BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME”. It is part of life but I always want to escape that part. However, I plan to give up this fear and learn how to deal with rejection. After all, “NO simply means begin again at one level higher.” Peter Diamandis
  4. My spirit of procrastination- I saw a tweet this morning from law_student on instagram which read; “My university motto- If tomorrow isn’t the DUE date, today isn’t the DO date”, and I felt that on a personal level because this is my life summarized in a tweet! “Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now……”– Denis Waitley. OMG! Please turn down the volume, I feel too attacked today! But I know better and I will do better than procrastinate henceforth. 
  5. Meaningless relationships and friendships- This is self-explanatory because friendships and relationships have had the worst impact on me growing up. Because I am so invested in these “ships”, when they come crashing, my world comes crashing and when you even take a close look at the crashed ships, you’d see that from the onset, the ship couldn’t sail. Friendships that weigh me down rather than uplift have to go for me to grow!
  6. Regarding some wins as too small and not wanting to celebrate myself

I always tell myself that some wins are bigger than some and even when people start congratulating me for my “small” wins, I feel like they are making a big deal out of nothing. Also, my excitement about a win fizzles out after the win and sometimes, someone has to remind me that I did well before I feel good about myself. I always tell myself that I could have done better but this attitude has gotten me nowhere at all. Henceforth, I plan to tell myself “Good job!” for even the littlest things and not wait till I become the president of the world before applauding myself.

  • Dwelling on things that do not matter

Move on baby girl. There are some things you just can’t understand or change and that’s not for you to brood over. Attack what is within your control and you’d see yourself do better in every aspect of your life! (Me to myself every day!)

  • My fear of change/ the next stage and the anxiety that comes with it

Well, if I was asked to write this piece a month ago, I would have said I want to give up my fear of the next stage and the anxiety that comes from the thought of a next stage but right now, there’s a rush of excitement that comes with a next stage and I want to experience everything worth experiencing. I do not know what changed but there was a change (I prayed about it for the longest time, perhaps I got my miracle) and I’m proud to say I gave that up.

In the end, giving up these things is success for me and I know that when I finally give them up, my life is going to be a lot easier and I would be at peace with myself. I hope you can give up some things too; it is the price we all have to pay to succeed!