WHY I JOINED I JDI MENTAL HEALTH INITIATIVE
I have always had a desire to help people out; on the street if I saw children with no shoes, hawking and begging, my heart would go out to them.
Whenever I heard a story of someone struggling, my heart literally ached but I had always thought I could not change their narratives until I was rich. I admired people in medical fields or fields where one could directly affect people’s lives. I yearned for that kind of satisfaction.
Having my own children further softened my heart and seeing other people struggle would make me think, ‘What if those were my own children?’ so I was determined not to wait for money, but the opportunity to give what I could afford to, in value and kind.
I did not realise I was going through something emotional until my children began to ask me on a daily basis if I was happy- from my 5-year-old, 3-year-old to my 2-year-old. They would say, “Ammi, today are you happy”?
Then, I started to realise I was showing a lot of anger and sadness, unknowingly. Whenever I was at work or outside the home, I would be fine and my mood would be fine but the moment I returned home and started doing my chores of bathing the kids, cooking the food, doing homework, sending them to sleep and preparing for the next day, I would start getting really irritable. The moment one of the kids would not be as cooperative as I would like, I would get frustrated and it showed. I would get tired of scolding and go about with a frown. I felt like a slave and everything I did revolved around others. I was very dissatisfied with my life but the worse part is that I hated how ungrateful to God I felt. I thought I was just overwhelmed and did not attribute my emotions to my mental health.
‘Parenting three kids under 5 is no joke’, I reassured myself.
‘Being a home maker and having a job can’t be easy’, I told myself. But each day, I just yearned for more.
I have been going through so many emotions and was not sure what they meant but like most Nigerians, I attributed it to something paranormal. I prayed more and thought I was feeling better.
One day, I was talking to my sister- who is a nurse- about how I was feeling and how praying made me feel better. I heard the worry in her voice as she told me these were early signs of depression. Hearing that, my heart sank and I became worried but left it at that.
The symptoms came back and I reached out to my sister who arranged for me to speak with a psychiatrist. I began to research symptoms of depression and educate my self better on mental health. In the process, I discovered more about how people could make your situation worse. When I told my husband, he dismissively told me I was just going through a lot of stress. Next person I reached out to was a work colleague I felt could give me perspective. The office environment was not conducive to talk and after the first day we talked, it took him days to reach out with his “consolation” all the while I was feeling dismissed again. I felt like my feelings were being underestimated and that made me feel even worse than I was feeling before reaching out.
My experience made my perspective on mental health change. I used to be one of those people that thought if you were depressed and seeing a psychiatrist, you have serious problems that would cause you to be ashamed.
Upon my arrival at the hospital for my first visit to the psychiatrist, I was not sure I was at the right location because there was no sign. In the course of our session I asked why there was no sign up front, and the doctor told me it was because people did not want other people knowing they were at a mental health facility. I did not see a single patient neither was I seen by any. It then dawned on me how people- even while seeking help-s are still ashamed of being mentally sick. I did not get why because I did not mind being seen there.
This shame and stigmatisation was further intensified when I got home to three friends waiting for me. I mentioned that I had been to see a psychiatrist and the look I got made me rethink this disclosure. None of the them asked why I felt the need to see one but from the looks being exchanged, I could imagine the conversation behind my back.
After a few days one of the three friends called to say, “Someone else needs a psychiatric evaluation and needs to know how to go about it”.
I thought, ‘This is how much the silence culture sucks.’.
I know how life is much harder for women and I get so heartbroken with the nonchalant attitude towards the plight of women and how they must be keeping a lot in, messing with their mental health. I wanted to be a part of encouraging them to UNBURDEN, to ease their minds of the burden society has made them carry.
I have always listened to We FM and ‘Jela’s Clinic’ because of that, I followed Angela on social media. In spite of never meeting her, I trusted her and believed in her cause. I had no doubt this would be an NGO with no an ulterior motive. I wanted to be with people that understood why I cared and felt moved to passionately want to be part of the change. The day I saw the advert for volunteers, I felt like this was it. I could no longer push aside things I wanted to do for myself because of the responsibility I felt towards my family and home. I felt like this was the avenue I was looking for to give back and be a part of something bigger than myself. I always worried that if I died, only my loved ones would miss me because I had not touched anyone’s life.
This is why I joined JDI and Mental Health team to be precise. I have faith that I will find the satisfaction and purpose I yearn for. After the screening exercise, I felt so happy just making the first step and was happier when I was afforded the opportunity to work with JDI. I intend to put in my best to ensure we achieve our goals.